In an era of rampant misinformation and deepening political polarization, many face the painful reality of loved ones embracing extreme or detached-from-reality beliefs. Whether it’s conspiracy theories, fringe ideologies, or intense political fanaticism, these situations test relationships like never before.
This guidance comes from experts in cult recovery and high-control group dynamics, offering practical strategies for navigating these interactions without escalating conflict or sacrificing your own well-being. The goal isn’t to “deprogram” anyone in a single conversation, but to sustain communication while protecting yourself.
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Understand the Disconnect
First, acknowledge that those deeply entrenched in extreme beliefs are often operating from a fundamentally different worldview. Steven Hassan, Ph.D., founder of Freedom of Mind Resource Center, suggests recalling who this person was before their current ideology took hold.
“They’ve been hacked. They’re still in there somewhere. Focus on remembering the good parts of them and helping them realize they aren’t happy where they are.”
Approach interactions with curiosity rather than confrontation. Ask open-ended questions like, “Tell me more about why you believe this is true?” or “Where did you first hear about this?” Then, listen patiently and mirror back their responses to show genuine engagement: “So, you believe X, Y, and Z, is that correct?” This validates their perspective while creating space for further dialogue.
Prepare Gentle Rebuttals
Many individuals don’t choose misinformation so much as fall into it due to loneliness, fear, or a desire for belonging. Daniella Mestyanek Young, a cult survivor and author, suggests responding with calm, factual corrections rather than aggressive rebuttals.
For example: “I’ve researched this claim, and it’s been widely debunked. Would you be open to looking at sources I trust?” Or, “I understand why this feels true, but the site it comes from is known for spreading false information.” Planting seeds of doubt, with kindness, is more effective than outright dismissal.
Know Your Triggers & Theirs
Arguments escalate when emotions run high. Self-awareness is crucial. Hassan emphasizes understanding your own triggers and neutralizing them before engaging. Instead of focusing on “getting them back,” prioritize the factors that might help them recognize their own unhappiness within the belief system.
Attacking or shaming only drives people deeper into their ideological bunkers. Remember, they don’t like being isolated from loved ones; respond with respect and kindness instead.
Disengage When Necessary
There are times when continued engagement is simply unsustainable. Young recommends setting clear boundaries: “I love you, but I won’t argue about this.” Or, “I’m setting a boundary because these conversations aren’t healthy for me.”
Your peace is non-negotiable. You are not obligated to stay in conversations that harm your mental well-being.
Maintain a Connection
Even in disagreement, connection matters. Curiosity, boundaries, and a commitment to your own values are key. The most radical act may not be winning the argument, but refusing to play the game entirely.
One of the hardest parts of leaving extreme belief systems is admitting you were wrong. People fear the shame of backtracking. That’s why even small gestures—a birthday text, a comment on a pet photo—can be lifelines.
“A life raft doesn’t have to be big—it just has to float.”
These threads of connection can provide the bridge back to reality when someone is finally ready to admit they were misled. Maintaining that tether, even in silence, might be the most impactful thing you can do.
